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What happens when you get incredibly icey roads, extreme winter weather, and a car I don't feel safe driving? A FREE DAY OFF WOOOOO! Yep I did, I milked the fuckin system...hard! I bent the company over so bad I looked like Jenna Jameson with a strap on in a lesbian flick (although I look like Jenna after storming the beaches of Normandy) On Saturday night, I went out and didn't want to use my car, and I looked out and seen the car the company gave me TO COMMUTE TO AND FROM WORK and said fuck it, I'll use their gas (with the cable and water bill now it's hard to make ends meet, I gotta save up for the move to Indiana/Seattle/Arkansas) So I smoked a huge joint, took 2 vikes, and drank 3 beers and got in the car. I removed my awesome bumper sticker from my personal car and put it on the company car, just incase an officer pulled me over...you know, so I could have an excuse (maybe they wanted to race) So anyways, I'm all f'd up, run a red light cruising 76 in a 25, smash some dudes mailbox, kill a dog, and run into concrete barrier before coming to a stop inside a food lion. Well I wasn't gonna waste a trip to food lion so I looted some groceries while everyone was in a panic, threw the car in reverse, and got out of there before anyone could catch me. I had 2 days to come up with a good excuse on how I wrecked the company car, and since it's winter I thought, why not blame it on the winter weather...and also I thought...why not say I'm rattled by this and skip the rest of work on Tuesday (construction really sucks, especially when you're half gremlin like me) So anyway, I went to work, gave my BULLSHIT story, said i was stressed, and left, but in reality...I feel fine...I say fuck the system...and you know what, fuck your dog if it was the dog I hit, I don't give a shit about anyone but MYSELF.

Giving In

I finally did it...I gave in...I've held out for so long...I just couldn't be strong this time...I finally decided to get running water...It's been an ongoing battle for quite sometime...at the cost of .000566 cents per gallon I just couldn't afford it...when the water company rejected my last payment (I sent in an I.O.U....it seemed to work at the office, so i tried for it with the water company...no dice) I explored my other options. I started carrying buckets of water from the Delaware Bay...I didn't want to use the electricity to boil it so I used it straight...after 3 days of throwing up and INTENSE diarrhea I had to stop...it was a good kind of diarrhea though...you know...the kind the cleanses the soul, your insides...after that I had to look at other options...I had a bunch of ideas, drinking my own urine, using the blood of animals, even stealing from work (bridge has phenominal tasting water) but it came down where I just would have to pay the water company...it's cool though, the water company supplies the pipes that carry the water to the apartment so I wouldn't need any installation charge, and they even filter it...sort of...the water is still kinda brown and smells like rotten eggs, but I haven't shit from it yet...so I guess I'd rather drink water that smells and looks like that than produce water than smells and looks like that. God Bless.

Blogging Molly

Getting up gets harder and harder throughout the week as darkness still engulfs my room when the alarm goes off. When I lifted up the covers this morning I dutched ovened myself and nearly threw up. Word of advice to my fellow readers...do NOT eat a shit load of pop corn before you go to bed, or you will have a load of shit waiting for when you wake up...I had my own version of the brown out in my toilet this morning...nevertheless, the morning went normal, got up, got ready, watched sportscenter, made coffee, thought about naked chicks, and went on my way...everyday that AF is not at work makes the day 100% better...no awkward feelings when she comes within 30 feet of you, no wanting to tear your ears out of your head when she talks, not telling yourself not to become gay and women are beautiful when you look at her...yeah, life is good

Big Bang Theory

I'm a guy, some of my readers are girls...we're different in many ways...just to clear it up with that certain someone...it's because I don't like you...anyway, back to the post...Many people have their own theories on how the universe was created...but the main theory is that of the Big Bang...for the record, the big bang is NOT what happens at Tara's house everynight. I have my own interpretation of the Big Bang theory...and it involves the legendary Bert's junk. Few have come in conta...actually many have come in contact with it so it's no secret...it's powerful, so powerful that it has enough energy to start the universe...so one day, Bert was hangin out with Tiger Woods, playin a lil golf, and Tiger turned to Bert and said, "Let me hit your balls with my driver." Bert had 3 beers, was feeling the alcohol, and allowed it. He's been in worse situations before, grandmothers raping him, fat girls raping him, himself raping.....himself...Nevertheless, Bert laid down on the ground, with his balls exposed in the air in an upright position. Tiger eyed up his balls, took a swing, and bam...Bert's eyes opened more than when a taco salad is comin his way. A huge explosion followed...and a Milky Way came out of his butt...in an instant the Universe was formed...

First Blog...LOL!

Woke up at 6:30 today...well I was supposed to, but I decided to hit the snooze button 2 times, so I really didn't get out of bed until about 6:56 and some seconds...I contimplated not showering because I didn't want to use any more hot water than I had used the previous day, but being as I hadn't showered in about a day I decided to go for it. At the instant I turned the water on the water was extraordinarily cold. It angered me because when I turn the hot water on, I want it to be hot water, not cold, so I had to wait, and I hate waiting. It finally started to warm up and I jumped in the shower...while I was in there I couldn't help but notice my penis was extraordinarily small this morning. It could have been the cold, it could have been my dad's genes, it could be that I am just a giant douche, but I realized this morning that the thing I have between my legs is not gonna get it done in the bedroom.